Friday, April 4, 2014

Today has been a day of wave after wave of feelings from sadness to joy to grief to excitement. Why, you might ask is all this happening to her. Well let me tell you my baby, my last, my son is moving out. OUCH!!! I knew it was coming it was really no surprise because he has been moving in that direction for a while. But when he told me that that was his plan and that he believed he could do it, well it felt like a punch in the gut let me tell you. I kept a smile on my face while I felt my heart break into a million pieces. "There goes my reason for living" I said to myself. And when I heard it I thought, WOW that's a little extreme but it wasn't my mind talking it was my heart and to my heart it was a very real feeling, just as  real as the table I was sitting at. Now I am a single parent and I have been single for the last 15 years so when my son leaves I will be all alone. Yes I have family,friends, other children and grandchildren but in my home there will only be me. Ever morning when I get up the first thing I see will not be his face. When I look in his room I wont see his face shoved in between his covers to yell at him to get up, again. I won't have to do his clothes or cook his food or pack his lunches. But I am so proud that he wants to try to be totally independent. I admit I make it sort of easy maybe easier than other parents maybe not but yet he would rather move out. I have to admit I am feeling feelings that I did not know I could have for a child of mine but I do no this to shall pass, I wonder how I will get through this and who i will find on the other side.